How would you feel if someone told you, “You have to be mixed to have that good hair” or “I only date light skinned women.”

I am writing this post very irritated and disappointed. So, most of you probably know Kodak Black and his recent comments on why he prefers a light skinned woman over a dark skinned woman. If you haven’t heard, here’s one of the videos below:

I am very confused and really disappointed that a lot of people (yes, black) either are okay with those same views or have similar mindsets. “I want a light skinned baby with good hair.” As if, black women or black babies don’t have good hair.

I was having a conversation with some male friends of mine and one posted a picture of Dream Kardashian, North West, and Bonnie Bella (Joseline and Stevie J’s baby), saying he wants a baby like this. And I questioned him, why did he want a lighter skin baby. His response was “I want the baby to have nice hair”. Well, of course, I have to continue to question. I am very defensive when it comes to black culture, even when it is someone within our culture. “So, black women don’t have good hair?, I responded.” They both said only mixed people have “good” hair. Now, I already hate using the term “good” when describing hair because I believe “good” hair is HEALTHY hair. It has nothing to do with the texture of the hair, every texture is beautiful. So, I sent them 10 women via Instagram with this “good hair” they described to PROVE they have the incorrect idea of what type of hair black women have. Their argument was that they had to be mixed with something. As a black culture, we are a very diverse people. We are ALL mixed with different cultures and ethnicities, but we are still black. No matter how deep our roots are.

I sent them a picture of the beautiful GlamTwinz. They always are faced with the same comments: “They must be mixed with something.”  Many times in their YouTube videos, they have brought up this subject and responded saying they are fully black. Now if you aren’t familiar with the GlamTwinz, below are some pictures of them. You can check out their YouTube channel here.

As you can see, these are beautiful African American women, who have GORGEOUS hair. Even after sending these images to my friends, they still insisted these ladies are mixed with something. Frustratedly, I replied, “I think you are missing the point. I already agreed that every person has some sort of mixed within them. But to the extent to the percentage doesn’t matter. We are all still classified as black. We got some mixed folks even lighter than me who has “nappy hair” as Y’all would put it. Just because I’m lighter than the next doesn’t dignify how “good” my hair is OR if I’m of mixed race because I have “good” hair.” (Excuse my country-ness. I am from the South where “Y’all” is a regular part of the vocabulary.) To this point, the conversation was going nowhere, and I just allowed that person to have their opinion. But what frustrates me the most is that I am a black woman telling you that women of my race DO in FACT have “good hair”, and you argue because you believe I have to be mixed to have “good hair”.  And you probably are thinking, these young men probably aren’t black. 😒 Sorry to hurt your feelings, but they both were black.

And it brings me to the actual topic, self-hate within the black community. We don’t even KNOW we have self-hate towards our black women because we are so brainwashed to thinking lighter skin (European Beauty Standards) is more beautiful than darker skin. As Jackie Aina said it in the video below, there is always a correlation with black being the worst of things: “black-list”, “blackmail”, “black sheep”. While words with white are always associated with cleanliness and purity. Those same correlations translate over to race.

I really needed to vent and express my concern, but also let ALL BLACK WOMEN know that we are ALL beautiful and fine as hell regardless what other people think. We are BAD ASS, and we also are the most hated on. We got to be doing something right. I want my black women to continue to GROW and  GLOW, give yourself self-love because it is not out here for us. We got to find men who are about us just as much as we are about us and don’t believe and think or say these hurtful things about our culture and our black women. We produce GORGEOUS BABIES and also have GORGEOUS HAIR. We GLOW AND GROW, and there is nothing like us on this earth!

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